The Push Needed
by SeptemberGirl84
Summary: Amanda is over waiting for Lee. She decides to walk away from a man and job she loves.
1. Long, Long Time

Long, Long Time

Amanda was driving home after a trying day at the Agency, glad to be away from Lee for the first time in years. All day they had been cooped up in Q Breau doing spring cleaning and for some reason Lee had been moody around her. He had been grouchy and short tempered, reverting back to his old ways of dealing with her. Just when she thought he was beginning to care for her he pushed her away. She would never get a break when it came to Lee Stetson, would she?

Her mother always told her that love conquers all and that was what Amanda believed. She even had the faith that someday Lee would see her as a woman, not his working partner. She had always know about his past and the women that had occupied it, be she held on to the belief that despite his past she would be able to get him to love her in return. Over and over he proved her wrong, saying any closeness they experienced was just part of the assignment, nothing more. Once when he said that after a near kiss that had nothing to do with an assignment she had replied 'not exactly' and walked away, hoping he would get the message. But Amanda learned that Lee had a thick skull.

Amanda had done everything short of seduction to get Lee to truly notice her, to get him to admit what she glimpsed in his eyes. At moments she would catch a burning glance, a protective touch, or taking her hand in reassurance, and this would give Amanda some hope that the 'One Man Show', the 'Loner' might, in some way need her. Still, despite his actions, Lee had begun to distance himself from her lately, almost as if he were afraid of her. Her, a housewife from Arlington, Virginia; it was nearly enough to make her laugh.

Keeping her wits about her Amanda hid the truth as well as she could: she had fallen in love with Lee Stetson. In her heart she knew that she would love him for a very long time, but she knew it was time to move on.

Earlier that day Lee had snapped at Amanda for no reason, hurting her deeply. Being the strong woman she was she bit back her tears and went about her day, deliberately avoiding Lee. She didn't know why it had hurt so much to hear a harsh word from him, Lee never having let her near him in any outside way besides work. Yes, he would always give her a good word, but ever a meaningful one that would make her feel worthy. And it was 'Scarecrow's' approval she wanted the most of all. He was always out on the town, being the perfect Player with hearts, failing the one woman that really mattered.

Amanda was waiting for the right time to leave the Agency, to get away from the man who unwittingly had her heart in the palm of his hands. She couldn't live everyday seeing the man she loved and knowing that even if she told him it wouldn't make a difference. That was one of the many reasons why agents were discouraged from falling for co-workers; that they would pay the ultimate price of losing either way they went. She wondered how many times she would have to suffer before learning her lesson that men were liars at heart, first Joe then Lee. Lee. A love that never was nor never would be.

Amanda knew at that very moment Lee would be opening an envelope on his desk, reading her words that she had wrenched out of her soul. Her resignation. Along with it a note of her feelings, pouring her heart out to him. She was gone, never looking back at the man who made her who she was. It was best to make a clean break.


	2. Maybe He'll Notice Her Now

Maybe He'll Notice Her Now

Amanda walked out of Billy Melrose's office for the last time, not once looking back. She would really miss Billy, but she couldn't do it anymore. Lee was out on assignment so he wouldn't find out until the next morning, and hopefully she could keep him away. For two and a half years she had done everything he had ever asked and more, but did he recognize her efforts? No.

"Amanda, are you sure you want to do this? I mean you're one of the best agents I've got." Billy asked concerned, not wanting to hold her against her will.

"I'm positive, Mr. Melrose. I can't take the risk anymore, I have to think about mother and the boys." She replied knowing her eyes were puffy and red.

"Very well Amanda, it's your decision." Billy sighed, knowing Lee had more than likely pushed her to this.

"Goodbye, Sir. Be sure to give Lee his message." And with that Amanda King walked away from the life she had come to love.

Francine had tried to stop Amanda.

"Amanda? What's going on?" Francine asked genuinely confused.

"Be happy; I'm leaving." Amanda said coldly walking past the blonde woman.

"WHAT!" Lee thundered from inside Billy's office, making the black man cringe. "Amanda left? Why?"

"She simply stated that she couldn't put her family at risk anymore. And," Billy handed him a folded letter. "This is to you from Amanda."

"I'll read it upstairs." Lee left, face like a thundercloud. Why would she just up and leave without saying anything to him? He thought they were partners. Yes he knew of her concerns for her family, but that never stopped her before, so why now?

Plopping into his chair he unfolded the letter, catching a whiff of Amanda's favorite perfume. God, he loved that scent, it always drove him wild. Slowly he read her words. She had said she felt like a painting on the wall, going unnoticed and unappreciated. She couldn't think of any reason for her to stay when he obviously didn't need her so she decided to leave the Agency. Lee's stomach clenched when he read the last line, Amanda had signed it 'I hope that you'll miss me,' a tear blurring the word miss.

Lee leaned back and realized that he'd just lost his best friend. Never again, he vowed. Standing he resolved to go over to 4247 Maplewood Drive and talk some sense into her beautifully thick head...

' _Time to move on'_ , Amanda thought sadly as she packed her bags. Mother and the boys were in Colorado with Joe for spring vacation. She had to get away for a while, not wanting to stay in a town full of memories of her and Lee. Now that she was gone from the Agency she hoped Lee would realize how much they meant to each other. In the back of her mind Amanda hoped Lee would show up on her back porch as always and tell her how much he needed her and that he loved her. ' _Stop being a fool Amanda, he won't be coming.'_ Sighing she dropped her bags next to the front door, trying to rid herself of the idiotic idea that Lee Stetson would want anything to do with a divorced woman who had two boys to raise.

Lee saw Amanda drop her bags by the door and he realized he didn't have much time if he was to get her back before she was gone forever. He couldn't lose her, he just couldn't, she meant too much to him. But had he realized it too late?

"Amanda!" He called tapping on the kitchen window. He knew her letter was in his pocket, that knowledge making it burn his skin. When she turned to him he saw the loneliness in her eyes, highlighted by tears. His heart broke and he finally reliazed hie was one step away from losing it all.

"Lee?" Amanda breathed, not quite sure he was really there. Why was he in her backyard?

"Let me in Amanda." He pleaded, giving her his patented puppy dog eyes. He prayed he wasn't too late. He couldn't lose her, she meant too much to him. He watched as Amanda came into the kitchen, trying to memorize her every move. Lee wanted to drag her into his arms and kiss her senseless, to drown in her. Never before had he wanted anyone as badly as he wanted Amanda, and it scared him.

She didn't let him into her house but the opened the kitchen window so she could talk to him better. Amanda wasn't sure if she could keep herself in control if she stood face to face with him. It was hard enough to not let him in and surrender to her heart and the hunger she could see in his eyes.

"I see you got my letter." Her voice was dull and flat. Lee kicked himself, knowing he was the cause of the pain in her voice. He never wanted to hurt her, but in trying to figure out his feelings he had driven her away.

"Yeah I did. Why didn't you ever tell me?" Her heart was at war; she wanted to tell him but she didn't want him to pity her. All Amanda had ever wanted since meeting Lee was to have him see how much he needed her and relied on her, and eventually come to love her.

"You were so wrapped up in your 'Flavor of the Week' girlfriends that I didn't even bother trying to get through to you." Amanda lashed out, angry at herself more than at him. "Your job is your life, and your life is sorely lacking in any substance. You're blinded by the game, Stetson. And I won't be another notch on your belt."

"I deserved that. I-I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am, but I hope you'll forgive me. Will you come back? I can't do this without you Amanda." Lee begged. She felt her resolve failing, her weakness being his deep eyes and how they could get her to do just about anything. Lee could see that she was caving into his pleading, now if she would just give in to him he would be truly happy.

"Okay, I'll come back." She saw the relief on his face. "ONLY if I can take this trip with the boys without any spies dropping in unless they had a good reason..."

Lee noticed Amanda now, he finally opened his eyes to see the beauty before him, to see the preciousness of the woman beside him. He realized that if she were really gone he would lose the only thing he can't live without. From now on he will always notice her.


End file.
